D-Blog Week Day 1

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?  

He’s my favorite doctor. He’s probably the smartest, too. Though he doesn’t always agree with me, I don’t know what I’d do without him. Dr. Z, this one’s for you.

I wish you knew what it felt like for those three years, knowing that there was something wrong but never getting any acknowledgement. I wish you knew what it felt like, finally being told the magic words, “insulin resistance”. I wish you knew that it felt like, during the months after, wondering what the hell? all the time. I wish you’d seen the tears in my eyes the second you said, “MODY”.

I wish you knew what kind of self-control it took tonight, refusing to get even so much as a cookie from the bakery. I wish you knew that, bad mood I was already in, I almost cried when we left. I wish you knew what it felt like to feel guilty about every, single carb you put into your mouth. I wish you could understand why I eat them, anyway.

I wish you knew what it feels like to be pre-med, decidedly not healthy, but doing it, anyway, because it’s the only profession worth chasing. I wish you knew how hard it is to eat “normally” without feeling like you’re starving to death—especially in college. I wish you knew, well, everything.

But I also wish you’d seen the perfect blood sugars today after having a salad for lunch. I wish you’d see how responsible I am for my healthcare, even though I’m so young. I wish you could see that, even though I’m terrible about taking pills, I’ve never missed a dose of Metformin. I wish you could see the person behind the 15 minute appointment—because I’m so much more than the sum of my chronic health conditions.

Also, I hope you don’t see the pizza, the ice cream, the nacho cheese chips, the cookies…any of the carbs, really. (Even though you once offered me a doughnut, and when I refused you told me that there were fudge pops in the freezer and I could forget about my blood sugar for an hour or two.)

"My head is on fire/But my legs, they're fine/After all they are mine" ~Fun.