A Confession

I know this isn't part of DBlog week, but, well, it's a Thought. It's a Thought that I've had for...a long time. Now I have somewhere to put it. And that feels nice. So here goes.

I blame myself for my diabetes.

The idea is simple. And yet, it's not only complex, it's wrong.

You see, I'm 20 years old. If my endocrinologist's opinions of the last four years are to be believed, I have insulin resistance, otherwise known as type 2 diabetes.

I'm sure the first picture that comes to your mind is of a morbidly obese young girl, slowly eating her way to death.

Would you believe it if I told you I'm thin? (Ha!)

Okay. I'm not. I'm going to put my height and weight out here, on the internet, for all to see.

I'm five foot two (ish--maybe one and a half) and 142 pounds.

That adds up to a BMI of just over 26.

Decidedly NOT obese, huh?

I don't eat too badly. Considering the fact that I'm in college, I eat well. I walk a mile minimum each way to school. And my campus is huge, so that's more walking. I walk a lot.

I don't have a family history of T2 (or, at least, not a strong one).

What gives, huh?

As of two years ago, I was antibody negative. My endocrinologist currently believes that I may have a genetic form of diabetes called MODY. Honestly, that makes much more sense than type 2 does.

Unfortunately, if it is type 2, then we're back to where I started.

Have I mentioned that I blame myself?

The funny thing is, I don't even know what for. It isn't like I lived on pizza and ice cream for the years before I was diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia. It isn't like I haven't done what I could to do better. And it certainly isn't like I ate my way to diabetes.

I'm pre-med. I'm also naturally curious and I love puzzles (except when I'm the puzzle, which happens all too frequently around here). I've done my research on type 2 diabetes. Here's what I've found:

1. The latest research suggests that insulin resistance causes extra weight gain, which causes more insulin resistance, which causes more weight gain. It's a vicious cycle that starts with insulin resistance.

2. Insulin resistance is very, very genetic. Despite the fact that about 30% of Americans are obese, very few of them have glucose intolerance. They think that insulin resistance is compounded by the lack of enough beta cells to make the insulin to compensate. This means that a person may have a significant amount of insulin resistance,but their body should be able to keep up with it by making more insulin.

I know better than to blame myself, type 1, type 2, LADA, or MODY. None of them are cause to blame the person with diabetes--we haven't done anything to deserve this. We didn't ask for this.

My plan goes as follows:

I hope to be tested for MODY through a study at the University of Chicago's Kovler Diabetes Center. If I qualify, I'll be tested for free.

If I have MODY, I (finally!) will have a diagnosis. If I don't, I'm asking my endocrinologist for a FULL antibody panel. (Two years ago he tested me for GAD antibodies and Islet Cell antibodies.)

If that comes back negative, I'm going to suck it up and quit this irrational blame game. I haven't done anything wrong. I don't have other medical conditions that can exacerbate blood sugars. This isn't my fault.

We'll take it from there.

"Take my hand tonight/Let's not think about tomorrow" ~Simple Plan