Brilliant

</sarcasm>

It's weird how I can ace upper level Biology classes but make the same stupid mistakes over and over again with my health.

Technically, I have fibromyalgia, which is my rheum's fancy way of saying that he has no idea what the heck is wrong with me and I probably have the early signs of some autoimmune disease. What it means practically is that I have good days and bad days, which, as I experience more, seem to be controllable.

On Sunday, I went shopping with my sister and a friend. We walked a LOT. You'd think I know better than to go shopping after five hours of sleep with HOURS of walking, but nooooo, I know better than what my body tried to tell me.

Which is how I took two one-hour naps when I came home, and then fell asleep on the couch for another two hours before I could drag myself up to bed.

Something like that is fairly typical for me after a long day, five hours of sleep or fifteen. It's the way my body works.

Today, I spent the day playing guitar and doing MCAT practice tests and packing. Tomorrow, I'm going to Maryland with my friend. The bus ride is long and I have about an hour's drive to the bus stop. After the bus ride we're taking a cab for another half hour or so (maybe longer, depending on traffic). The next day, we're going home by train.

I don't know what's wrong with me. What prompted me to say yes? Other than the fact that this is my best friend, I can't imagine what possessed me. After pulling a stunt like that, I'll be lucky if I'm functional by the time my internship is scheduled to start.

But wait. It gets better.

A trip like that will mean less than idea blood sugars, because I'm staying in someone else's house and will eat what's available. More, we're probably having pizza for dinner. And maybe wine will be involved. That will definitely add to the wonder that is exhaustion.

And my friend and I have a habit of talking to each other in the dark well past the time we intended to go to sleep. She was over for a few nights this past winter vacation, and we hardly got any sleep.

Furthermore, I get motion sick. I know, I know, the bus we're taking is a coach bus. It shouldn't matter, right? WRONG. It matters to my messed-up body. And I'm pretty sure I get sick on trains, too (though not nearly as bad as buses).

All of this leads to my perfect storm of stupid, from which I am going to need days to recover from one favor for a friend.

I hate having a lack of freedom because of my health. For crying out loud--I'm not sixty! I'm young! I shouldn't have to worry about wearing myself out or eating the wrong foods. I shouldn't have to worry about one sleepless night. I shouldn't really have to worry about anything except my MCAT scores!

Anyway, it's...sad? that about half of the stuff I packed are health-related. I have a backup meter and extra strips. I have vitamins and Metformin enough to last me three days. I have two water bottles (and will likely be bringing a third). I have...all kinds of crap, really.

The good news is that I get to spend two days with my closest friend. And that she's understanding about my health and its fits of terror. If I tell her I can't handle pizza, she'll figure something else out. If I tell her that I'm too tired to talk, she'll get a good night's sleep. If I tell her that I can't watch movies on the bus, she'll watch them herself or ditch the movies and just talk.

The problem is voicing this stuff instead of letting her figure it out for herself.

I've spent so much of my "adult" life (read: from age 14 or so) pushing myself far beyond my capabilities that I don't even know where the cutoff is anymore. Until the point where my speech is slurred because I'm so exhausted and I collapse for hours just to nap, I can't let up. I don't know how to stop until I'm not given any more choice. According to medical schools, this is a fairly good quality, but everywhere else, it's a failure. I need to learn that if I think I'm going to live to see twenty five.

Anyway, the next few days will be busy. Wish me luck!