Frustrated

And pissed off and many, many other things.

Warning: This is a post about how much I hate my body. I don't usually get like this, but MAN, am I annoyed.

So today I decided to do my second day of Couch to 5K. So, all geared up in a pony tail and sneakers, with a pre-workout BG of 95, I was all set to go. I even brought my Kindle for company through the walking parts (and as encouragement for after the running parts).

The first running bit went okay. And I thought that this might actually be as easy as the last time. Ummm, maybe not.

By the second running bit, the very, very back of my throat started burning/hurting. That's THE sign that my breathing's flaring up when I'm already out of breath. (Being out of breath is okay if you're running, it's not okay if you're going up the seven stairs in your house. In Normal Life, my breathing is fine unless I'm being "strenuous", but when I'm exercising, the only way to tell what isn't normal is gauging with pain.) It subsided by the end of the walking stint. And then it happened again. And again. And again. Through the last five running bits.

Once I'd gotten off the treadmill (with a BG of 81), I felt okay. Tired, and hot, and thirsty, but okay. I took a shower, and I figured the steam would help open my lungs some more.

For the next hour I was fine. And then, out of nowhere, while sitting on the couch watching TV and minding my own business, out comes a deep breath I just can't catch. I tried a few times, then gave up. But I felt like I Needed to take a deep breath. And I couldn't.

At some point, my pulmonologist tried to misdiagnose me with sighing dyspnea (where you can't take a deep breath and you end up yawning or sighing all the time because you're trying to). That's caused by Stress. After that, I actually had to get a letter from a psychologist that my breathing issues are not caused by said Stress before she'd consider anything else.

Now, Stress does annoy my breathing. The same way running does and laughing does and crying does and not getting enough sleep does. All are forms of stress, but if this were caused solely by emotional stress, I wouldn't have had so much trouble breathing ALL NIGHT. Nothing different happened tonight more than any other night. I was, in fact, more relaxed than I have been in a while, considering the fact that the MCAT is over. If you want to call it Stress, I will not agree with you.

On top of my inability to breathe tonight, my ankle hurts, which I expected. (I foresee an MRI in my future, which my podiatrist suggested, along with orthotic inserts for my apparently flat feet). My knees hurt at some point during the running, but that was transient. I'm suppressing a cough, for fear that it starts and never stops (a fear that is justified, considering my years and years of experience in the matter). The bottoms of my lungs ache, which is from the strain of trying to breathe (another explanation for another time). I'm annoyed and sick and tired of my body. I have a few Choice Words to say to it, all of which are four-lettered at base and none of which involve the word "love".

The cause for my breathing difficulties? Probably the A/C, because the treadmill is in the coldest room in the house. That is a problem that I will need to experiment with, considering my propensity for exercising where the treadmill is. Good luck to me.