Monday, August 26, 2013

I Want Them to Know

I'm applying to medical schools now. I haven't had the best experience with school or with doctors, or even with life in general. There are things I can't tell the medical schools--things both good and bad--because they don't want applicants who have chronic health conditions (it makes us look bad as applicants). These things are important, though, so I'm posting them here.

I want them to know that I'm a good student, no matter what my grades say. I want them to know that I know my Organic Chemistry 2 and Biology cold, despite the grades I got in those classes. I want them to know that crap happens, and that my health has messed up my test-taking more than once, but that it doesn't mean that I don't know the material.

I want them to know that I've wanted to be a doctor my whole life, and that nothing else is even a thought in my head. I want them to know that my bad experiences have made me want to be a doctor more, not less.

I want them to know that medical school will not be easy for me, but that I will do my best. I want them to know that I will do whatever it takes to make it through with the most medical knowledge I can accumulate. I want them to know that I understand that medical school and residency and fellowship will be physically demanding, but that I consider myself up to the challenge (assuming there's always coffee at hand).

I want them to know that there will be times when I am not myself, and that it's okay. It's not okay to penalize me for what I am completely unable to control if it only happens once in a while.

I want them to know that I am sensitive, physically and emotionally. I want them to know that my social skills are self-taught, and that I'd really appreciate a book of social protocols (like the Liaden Code of Conduct which, unfortunately, only exists in the Liaden Universe series). I want them to know that it's okay to tell me that I did something wrong, but that they shouldn't be overly harsh on me. People confuse me sometimes.

I want them to know that I can be a good doctor despite my physical incapabilities. I will not give up on CPR just because my arms hurt like hell after the first three compressions. I will not leave an OR because my back and legs hurt. I will not go home early because I have a migraine. I probably won't even complain about any of that stuff. Therefore, I should not be brushed off because of them.

I want them to know that, as a doctor with chronic diseases, I will understand patient compliance and the emotional aspects of living with diseases better than most doctors.

I want them to know that I want to be the inspiration that keeps people going. I want to be the person that tells her patients that they can do it because I did. I want to stand there and say that I know it isn't easy, but that if anyone knows they can live their life despite their challenges, it's me.

"My wish for you/ Is that this life becomes/ All that you want it to/ Your dreams stay big/ Your worries stay small/ You never need to carry more than you can hold" ~Rascal Flatts

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